How Almost Dying Taught Me How to Live

5 Life Lessons from My Near-Death Experience

article reprinted from Thrive Global, April 2017 

In 2007, I nearly died in a bicycle accident. Between the moment I fell and the time I woke up in the hospital I was somewhere else, between the land of the living and a world of spirits. For several years, I couldn’t talk about what happened to me that day. I think mystical experiences can be like that — something often gets lost in translation and we don’t share for fear of being judged or misunderstood. Experiences like this can’t be scientifically validated, either, so I didn’t know if anyone would believe me.

To complicate matters, having an NDE gave me this wild, soulful, out-of-body experience (think peace, lights, and angels), but when it was over I was dropped into a painful physical healing process. During my recovery I couldn’t stop thinking about that spiritual place. The experience had no physical substance, yet felt more real in some ways than physical reality.

A few years later, I learned about IANDS, the International Association for Near Death Studies, which hosts monthly meetings in cities around the world where people can talk and learn about life after life. At IANDS I joined an auditorium full of people sharing stories that defied scientific explanation. To my relief, people wanted to talk about their near-death experiences. Finding this community of like-minded people helped me find my voice.

My NDE happened 10 years ago, and I still can’t scientifically validate my experience. But now I’m much more interested in whether something feels true than whether it can be proven. These five insights feel true for me. From big goals and dreams to the day-to-day details, these insights from my NDE have brought me greater direction and peace.

1) The Soul Is Unbreakable

When I lifted out of my body and saw it crumpled below, ironically, I felt completely whole. In fact, I felt more whole than I’d ever felt inside my human body. My experience of being human had been partly spiritual, but I’d strongly identified with my physical features, personality characteristics, and life history. Now I didn’t.

When I returned to my body, my health and identity shattered. Like Humpty Dumpty, I couldn’t put myself back together again in exactly the same way. But I didn’t want to. I wanted to piece my life back together to match my feeling of spiritual wholeness.

Difficult experiences can leave us feeling shattered, but redirecting our focus on wholeness helps heal those wounds because, in essence, we are unbreakable.

2) Contentment Is My Ultimate Ambition

I see many people who make themselves crazy trying to keep up with preconceived notions of success. There’s always something we can find to worry or be unhappy about.

I was part of that club until I experienced complete contentment when I was out-of-body. I had no desire or ambition, just a feeling that everything had already been finished — like the master checklist of my life had no more boxes left to check off.

It’s easy to be content in the spirit world. There’s no need to eat, drink, make a living, worry about old age or disease, or anything else. When I returned, all the concerns and responsibilities of an embodied person returned, too.

But the contentment I’d experienced had shown me an oasis of peace within myself that I could visit. Using meditation, self-hypnosis, nature walks, gratitude practice, and other self-care routines, I began to disconnect my nervous system from previous adrenaline-based routines. Contentment became a more consistent feeling in my body and mind.

Practicing contentment opened my eyes to ambitions I’d adopted from other people’s values that interfered with my health, well-being, and life purpose. As I’ve gradually unsubscribed from other people’s notions of success, peace has become more real in my daily life. By letting go of false dreams, I have room to expand ambitions that support contentment.

3) Pain Is a Master Teacher

The mental, emotional, and physical pain of trauma is a horrible but extraordinary teacher. Pain forced me to create thick boundaries so I could slow down and heal.

Slowing down can be difficult. We’ve created a social-business system that’s largely fueled on adrenaline-based ambition. Prior to my accident, I placed pressure on myself to succeed creatively, financially, and romantically, but rarely took time to celebrate or reflect. After the NDE my life was at stake, so I had to stop overdoing and learn how to rest and relax.

As I slowed down, I noticed how my emotional state affected my pain level, and became highly motivated to find compassion for myself in each situation. Pain taught me to lean back in contentment instead of chasing goals. Desires that grew from that state of contentment could then take seed and sprout at a healthy pace.

Slowing down helped me be in the present moment, too. After 22 months of recovery, I took my first nature walk. My slow pace and continued pain forced me into the now, where I noticed the extraordinary beauty everywhere. Since that day, I’ve walked over 6,000 miles, and appreciate every step. I’m thankful for the pain that so many years ago taught me how to slow down and live closer to nature’s rhythm.

I’m not saying pain is fun, but it’s just as informative and valuable as joyful experiences in teaching us what’s healthy and what to avoid. Every experience, including pain, is a wise teacher.

4) Live Your Spiritual Beliefs

Once I told a friend at work about my NDE. She looked at me nervously and said, “You shouldn’t tell other people here about this.”

Before my NDE, I was less open about my spiritual experiences and usually remained silent about them. Afterward, this life-changing journey defined my values and its effect became impossible to ignore.

Instead of taking my friend’s advice, I told more people. Many of them had similar experiences and were happy to find someone who shared and accepted their truths.

Speaking openly about my experiences drew people into my life who enjoy talking about significant spiritual experiences. We encourage one another to freely share our ideas. I also ended up developing a business and lifestyle where my values and my truth could be front and center.

By living my spiritual beliefs, my life fell into place.

5) We Are the Angels

The spiritual and emotional purity of light and angels on the other side is how I imagine heaven. During my NDE, I didn’t want to leave the perfection.

In the physical world of space and time, life doesn’t always go as planned. Reality is far from perfect. Sometimes we float in joy, other times we feel pain and confusion.

Nonetheless, we all have experiences of perfection — not straight-A–report-card or rose-colored­–glasses perfection, but moments when suddenly everything falls into place and feels right. Something or someone brings us joy despite the challenges. These moments of perfection offer us heaven on earth.

We can also create moments like that for others. From opening a door for someone to donating a bag of groceries to a food bank, we can make life better and easier for others. In this way, we can be the angels and intentionally create our own heaven on earth.

When I encounter challenges, I think back to these insights to gain perspective. Life isn’t perfect, but whatever happens, we can become attuned to life’s perfect moments and work from our spiritual center to find harmony and contentment.

According to a Gallup Poll, 89 percent of the U.S. population claims to experience “God” or “universal spirit.” If you’re one of those people, and these life lessons resonate for you, please borrow them to forge your own contentment-based life. If not, I hope you’ll spend time remembering, reflecting on, and gaining insight from your own profound experiences. And if you meet someone who chooses to share their NDE or other profound spiritual experience with you, I hope you’ll be the one who listens and shares back with an open mind.

Soul

The spiritual, immortal, immaterial part of a living thing.

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